Three tips for self-care for mothers

Why self-care won’t get you anywhere and what you should do instead. – a guest post by my friend, Selina Furter

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Is self-care helpful?

Self-care can often feel like a little break from the daily grind. However, effective self-care that leaves you feeling rested and recharged for a long time isn’t about getting your nails done or finding time for yourself on a regular basis. Instead, effective self-care is about taking care of your emotional and mental health. In this article, I’ll show you 3 ways to practice effective self-care that will give you lasting peace, joy, and rest so that you no longer need a “break” from life.

Self-care is not what you think it is

Have you ever noticed that no one feels the need for self-care when they are on vacation. Do you feel the same way? Most of the time, when you’re on vacation, you step out of the normal rhythm of your life. You do things that you want to do. You spend time with people you love and who love you. Your brain doesn’t tell you during that time that you really need self-care.

So we don’t think about the need for self-care when we feel rested and when we feel excited about life, motivated and energized.

Instead, we start thinking about the need for self-care when we feel exhausted, when we feel overworked, when we feel unappreciated, when we constantly wake up feeling like we don’t want to do what we’re doing that day.

When we feel like we don’t have enough time or we’re constantly behind, those are the moments when our brain checks in and says, “Hey, it might be time for a little self-care, a little refresher, a little time for rest and relaxation.”

I think that’s a really fascinating insight into self-care.

Your brain and your body naturally tend to need self-care when your emotional and mental state is bad, not your circumstances. This means that self-care is actually about taking care of your mental and emotional state, not the external aspects of life. Manicures, massages, exercise, doctor’s appointments that you keep putting off, time for yourself, time with girlfriends or friends, vacations. These are many of the goals we pursue when we finally get around to taking care of ourselves or taking a little time for ourselves. But these actions don’t really address what we need, which is a good emotional and mental state.

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Tips for self-care

Self-care is about taking care of your emotional and mental state.

Here are my thoughts on self-care:

Number one, caring and nurturing your thoughts and feelings.

In other words, self-care is about protecting your belief in yourself, that is, believing that you are wonderful and great at all times. Your identity and self-confidence should not depend on whether or not you succeed at work, as a mother, or in your friendships.

It’s about knowing what makes you great and wonderful, and always protecting those thoughts and beliefs about yourself. You must never let someone else’s opinion change the thoughts you have about yourself. And you must never allow success or failure to determine what you believe about yourself.

This is not our natural state. In fact, it takes a lot of work to do this. Therefore, practice this thought.

Number two. Self-judgment means stress.

Self-care is about not judging yourself when things don’t go exactly as planned. I believe self-judgment is at the root of at least 50% of exhaustion and overwork and feeling burned out.

Self-care looks like eliminating “should” from your vocabulary and believing that no matter what happens, whether your efforts succeed or fail, you are still a wonderful person whose dreams are still possible, and you are worthy of them.

Number three: Protect your mind.

 True self-care is about protecting your mind from mindsets and thoughts like “I can’t,” “There’s not enough,” or “I don’t know.” These thoughts always create confusion and stagnation. They limit your ability to solve problems because if it’s true that you can’t figure something out, you’re stuck. If it’s true that you really don’t know how to keep your boundaries, for example, and call it a day when you want to. If you really don’t know how to deal with your angry toddler. If you really don’t know how because you tell yourself you do, you probably won’t figure it out.

Here’s a little exercise you can do if you feel stuck. Let’s say you want to exercise more and you don’t know how you’re going to fit it into your schedule. I know January is a long time away, but you can start any day.

Ask your brain what your options are. If you say right now, there are no options, I’ve thought it all out a thousand times. Then let’s talk about options. Search your brain for options without at the same time checking if and how it is possible. Just the options. I’m sure you’ll find some. You may not like them, but they’re there.

And then ask yourself: Which option do I really want to do. And which option do I not want to do. Then you have the opportunity to find the best option for you. This is solution-oriented, forward-looking. It opens a room for you, which you never entered before, because there was a big bouncer in front of it, who said: There is no possibility here. So, you went on, firmly believing that there was no way.

Self-care means redirecting the brain when it feels stuck, confused, and stuck.

Take care of yourself

So, my dear, take care of yourself, take care of your emotional and mental state. Think of just one way you can take care of your inner self this week, and if you make it a habit, I promise you: it will change your life.

I’m Selina and my mission is to help Working Moms find their inner balance between all the expectations on them at work, family and their own desires. So that they can feel independent and at the same time be a relaxed and loving mom, without a guilty conscience. And my vision is to make a contribution so that my daughter doesn’t even know the word compatibility anymore. That she will look at me in 20 years and ask: “Mom, why did you make it so difficult for yourselves back then? I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” We are all equal.

 

Find out more about Selina Furter’s work with Happy Working Mom.

Read my post on self-care for entrepreneurs or my post on work-life balance.

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