Should I have a baby?
So many people face this question and are constantly pressurised to have a baby even if they are unsure. But is there a right or wrong answer? Keep reading to know what I think
Introduction
How it begins
After we reach a certain age, finish studying, and maybe have a long-term relationship, friends and family start asking questions. Maybe even you wonder about the infamous “biological clock.”
Part of you loves the idea of having a baby, after all they are super cute, especially when they’re all chubby and rolls. But you might also hate the idea of bringing a new life into this world. Or maybe you feel like a baby yourself, not even remotely ready to start a family.
All of that is valid!
What the heart wants
You might never have a definitive answer.
There are so many reasons to have a baby and so many reasons not to. At the end of the day, no one can or should decide for you. Because having a baby is a permanent thing. But if you’re struggling to take a decision, you’re already a much better parent than most people!
Hearing from people who don’t want to have children, I’ve heard so many different reasons:
The state of the world, global warming, no interest in children, don’t want to lose their independence, medical reasons (like mental health issues or not wanting to pass on health problems to children) and so much more. So if you have had any of these thoughts, all I want to say is, you’re not alone!
What should you consider before having a baby?
Let’s assume your heart has decided that you want to have a baby. It doesn’t end with that, though. There are a number of rational aspects to having a baby that you should definitely think about. In the section below, you will see some of the things I thought about and consider to be quite important.
No one is ever 100% “ready” to have a baby — but there is a spectrum of emotional preparedness. Being a parent is emotionally rich and rewarding — but also demanding. Babies don’t come with instruction manuals. They come with needs. Lots of them.
- Are you comfortable with the idea of your life changing significantly?
- Are you prepared to be needed 24/7, especially in the early years?
- Are you willing to sacrifice sleep, time, and freedom (at least temporarily)?
- Can you tolerate uncertainty, chaos, and constant adaptation?
If you’re considering having a baby with a partner, the state of your relationship matters. Children don’t fix relationships — they magnify existing dynamics. If the relationship is already strained, adding a baby can intensify tension. Ask yourselves:
- Can we communicate openly, even when stressed?
- Do we support each other emotionally and practically?
- Have we talked about parenting styles, values, and division of responsibilities?
- Are we aligned in our desire to become parents and have a good understanding of how we will share responsibility?
Financial and career readiness:
- What fears do I have about “losing myself” in motherhood or fatherhood?
- Do I have a financial buffer or savings to compensate for a loss of income initially?
- Will I feel fulfilled staying home, or working full-time, or something in between, at least until my child goes to daycare / Kindergarten?
Community and support system: do you have people around you that can help you raise a baby? Doing it alone is possible but extremely difficult, especially due to the unpredictability of it all. So if you don’t know people around, you should start building a support system of friends soon. And sometimes, this community comes in the form of paid services like a cleaning person, a babysitter or a cook.
Final thoughts
This is a very simplistic approach to answering the question “should I have a baby?”. The thought process and emotional rollercoaster looks very different for each individual.
Many people who have children will ask you “who will take care of you when you’re old?” or “you haven’t experienced true love unless you have children” or “have another baby, your child needs a sibling” may mean well. But in my opinion, those are really selfish reasons to have a baby and can place undue pressure on children in the future.
Do what feels right for you, don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you might regret.
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